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Tyranny of the Gates


            In my time as a college student I have learned many things from many classes, but the most important thing that I have learned is:
Bill Gates hates me!
Well, at least Microsoft Word does, but I’m pretty sure Bill Gates had something to do with that. The reasons I believe this start when I first open the Microsoft Word program and what do I behold? A default setting of Calibri font and the size is set to 11! Why? This is absurdity of the highest order and I refuse to continue to tolerate the madness. I have only used Times New Roman with size 12 font and every person I know uses this setting and every teacher/professor/instructor I have ever had has demanded I use this font set-up. However, Bill Gates has yet to rectify this gross injustice and therefore I can only conclude that he must hate me.
            This is not the only grievance forced upon me by the almighty Bill Gates though. No, no! He still sits high in his ivory tower coding his cruel word programs to cut at my being. For, I ask you, what is the first thing a person writes upon the page? That’s right, their name. In my case it is Eric Haacker. That is when I see it. The insulting red squiggly line beneath Haacker, my last name, my surname, the name of my father and his father before him. This is why it is personal. Bill Gates allows a great many names and yet he chose to deem mind a scar on the English language. He would see it burned from the lexicon and each letter returned to the ground as ash. It is a personal vendetta that he has against me and I know not why. This is the most important thing that I know and I shall not rest until the font is resolved and my family’s name restored.

Comments

  1. KaitApril 25, 2020 at 4:44 PM

    Such a great post! I hope you are able to contact Bill directly to share your grievances. Word can be so frustrating at times.

    ReplyDelete

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